Green Bananas

It didn't matter what time of day Ralph went to Costco because it seemed liked it was always busy. That was probably only because if there was one chore he hated more than anything it was shopping. Clothes, furniture, even tools - he hated it all. It seemed like he could never quite find exactly what he was looking for no matter what it was and the sales people were almost always of no help. The only fun he ever really had shopping was if he was buying tennis clothes or equipment. That was okay because he knew what he wanted, where to find it and what it should cost. If only the rest of life was so straight forward, thought Ralph.

Whooey!

"You got anything to clean this shit with? Like a newspaper or something?" said Ace.

Ace and Hal had just finished playing three sets of tennis and were about to get high together for the first time since their new friendship began a few weeks ago. They sat in Hal's Jeep in the nearly empty parking lot outside the health club. The air was cooling down now and dampness began to close around them like a freshly washed bed sheet.

In The Game

It was their third time playing tennis together and Ace and Hal still had not played an actual set against each other yet. Ace was anxious to get some match play under his belt because he knew he would need it against the other players at the club. He enjoyed just hitting. It gave him a chance to get into a rhythm, grove his shots and get his timing down. He could hit all day if he was lucky enough to find someone to rally with at the public courts that he used to drive around to during the summers. But club players were all about playing sets and keeping score. A lot of guys could rally but real players need to be able to hold their serve and Ace knew he was not ready for prime time. He had to get Hal to play some sets.

Head Game

The dispatch office was loud and dirty. It was also very small. Only twelve feet by 20 feet, it had only one small window that looked out over the back parking lot of the cable company where the vans were parked. But the worse part was the smell. With as many as eleven or twelve people jammed into one room during peak working hours the body oder alone was enough to make a visitor's eyes water. Two long counters ran along the longer walls and they each had a half dozen computer terminals wired up. Next to each monitor was a desk top phone with six separate lines that would ring out loud whenever a technician would call in from the field. Each line had a small, clear plastic square button that would begin to blink with every ear splitting ring. Often all twelve lines would be ringing at the same time. At the end of each counter was a stand up microphone reminiscent of the one that Johnny Carson had on his desk at the Tonight Show. It was connected to a two-way radio just like the cab companies used. Instructions would be transmitted to the men - and one woman - who did the installations for Cablevision Systems. For eighteen hours a day the place was continually assaulted by spilled coffee, doughnut crumbs and muffled farts that were released into the cushions of the swivel chairs where each dispatcher parked his ass for their shift.

Week 9 - Mismatch

Hal was late getting to the health club again the following Saturday. Ace knew he had no right to get annoyed because he was never on time for anything himself. The truth was he was glad to have a hitting partner, even if Hal was someone he wouldn't normally buddy up with. He had a sense that Hal might be gay but he couldn't be sure and besides, what did it matter?

 

Guest Post - The Nerve Monster

It’s almost a 2 hour ride from Stoughton, MA to Bloomfield, CT. Lots of time for Deuce to think. He was on his way to a USTA tournament – not his first. His first was about 30 years ago in Norwood, MA, not long after he had joined his first tennis club. Most of the details were sketchy in his memory, but he remembered losing handily to a guy he probably should have beaten. Except for nerves. His muscles were so tight he could barely keep the ball in the court. And his opponent had an incredible spin serve that went left or right, and all Deuce could do was guess which way he needed to go to have a chance of returning it.

Nerves are a funny thing. Deuce had played many competitive matches since that day, some in leagues, most among friends. And most of the time, he had been able to make tension into a positive force, a motivator if you will. But every once in a while, the muscles would tighten when least expected, as if to say “I’m still here and I can ruin you on a whim!” And I guess that facing off that demon was one of his goals in signing up for an Over 60 USTA Tournament. Having some fun with a different experience was the other.

Week 8 - "Mixed Match"

They stood outside the health club for a moment and talked. There was still an April chill in the air. He could feel his heart racing from the tennis and the steam room. Ace could feel his body temperature quickly cooling down. He hesitated, trying to decide if he should invite Hal to play tennis again next week. A breeze kicked up, blowing sand and dirt from the empty parking lot into their eyes. Ace put his tennis bag down and pulled the hood up over his wet hair, which was still damp from the hot shower.

Week 7 - "Steaming"

The club was practically deserted when Ace arrived shortly before nine o'clock. The health club had been converted from an old warehouse with corrigated siding similar to an old airplane hanger. The place was expansive but no matter how much they tried to upgrade the place it still had the feel of an old army base. This was most evident out on the tennis courts. Tennis "courts" was being generous since all they really did was lay down a thin skim coat over the old concrete floor, paint some white lines and throw up six nets. The floor was the hardest in New England and the balls flew off the surface like skimming stones bouncing off  the surface water in a kettle pond. Ace knew the courts felt stiff but it would be another ten years begor he really began to notice the wear and tear they were doing to his back, feet and knees.

Week 6 - "Saturday Night Singles"

The health club had an active tennis scene and Ace took advantage of it right away.  The health club made it's money on the endless number of other programs they offered so they didn't bother charging any hourly court fees like most of the other tennis clubs. Since court time was free there were always plenty of people hanging around the lounge ready to jump into a match or even just to hit balls with for an hour.  Free tennis created a unique atmosphere where the better players were willing to get on court with people who they would not normally play with since it did not cost them anything. Still, Ace was careful not to get into any groups that were clearly over his head. He knew it would take time to get his game into gear.

Week 5 - "A Pair of Aces"

Ace was not his real name.

When he was in sixth grade and started to notice girls he began to pay more attention to how he dressed and combed his hair. Back then, the style was to carry a long folding wallet that would stick out in the back pocket of a boy's jeans along with a full length comb. Ace spent a good deal of his time that summer trying to decide which pocket he should carry his wallet and comb and he would switch them around from one day the the next and look at his backside in the mirror to determine which pocket of his Levi jeans his comb and wallet look best in.

Week 4 - "Ace of the Courts"

On Monday morning, Dan and Jay were at their usual spot near the company coffee machine dissecting Sunday's football game. Like most men in their mid thirties they loved sports. Hockey, basketball, baseball and football - especially football. They didn't actually play any sports but they sure liked to watch them on TV from the comfort of their soft couches and recliners.

Week 3 - "Back At It"

It started on Tuesday with the air conditioners. Four of them. They were heavy and cumbersome and getting them out of the windows and down two flights of stairs to the basement was not easy. But Russ managed to get them stacked and covered and only felt a slight twinge in his lower back when he was all done. Nothing serious.

Week 2

The kids were back in school after what seemed like an endless summer of "she hit me" and "Jack won't let me watch my show" and "I'm bored" fights and whines. Somehow, the player managed to make it through July and August, more or less mentally intact with the help from a steady supply of good wine. Still, the first week of school brought on new hassles and stresses including several calls from the nurse about the boy's diabetes. Tuesday his blood sugar level was low and Wednesday he forgot his insulin kit on the bus. The player was not a morning person and none of this helped.

Prelude

It felt good to lay my money down and hit the courts at DHAC after not having played there for the past seven weeks. Stepping thru the glass door and being hit with the warm, dank, stale air that defines our home court brought it all rushing back in an instant. How could I forget the "phoosh, phoosh" sound from the Big Ass fans and the dim lighting so quickly? Damn, it was good to be back where FND all started.